after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
