i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
