it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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