I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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