been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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