so that wasnt chicken after all
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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