New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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