She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
