I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
