It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
