4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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