Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
