if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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