I just made out with a guy for $7.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
did i just pee glitter
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
