You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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