exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
