I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
