He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
