How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
