well I can't set my house on fire every night
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
