After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
