We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
