just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
