I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
