I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
When are your genitals available?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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