My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
