True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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