He had one of those small greek statue penises
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
