btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
