His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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