god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
