I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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