no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
