If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
