dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
