Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
