Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Randomize
