Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
They took my balls.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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