I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
