he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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