Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
