I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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