i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
