Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
