Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
