Only a mothe r could love this liver
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
