Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
