K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
