and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
