1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
