She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
