I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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