my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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