After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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