We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
