Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
